What Makes me Me?

Ever since I came to college, I've thought a lot about the question of what defines me as me. I've decided that there is no simple answer to that. There is no one word that sums Me up, at least not really. But as I sat and talked with my roommates this evening about everything from dating to Christmas lights, I realized that I am definitely an individual. Different. Unique. I don't know if my apartment of three could be called a fair sampling of the people in Provo... probably not, but I was honestly surprised at how different my thoughts were from my roommates'. I realized that those differences are the things that define who I am.

I believe in order. Everything has a place, and it belongs in its place. Beds belong made. Dishes belong washed and put away. Organization is key to my brain functioning. I stack my colored cups in ROY-G-BIV order, and put my zip-up hoodies and pullover hoodies in two separate stacks in the top of my closet. President Uchtdorf (of the First Presidency of the Church of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) asked everyone to find a space and make it beautiful. I may not be allowed to paint the cinder-block walls or my bedroom or replace my molding window, but I can make my own little space as neat and clean as possible so that my room is as close to Beautiful as it ever can be. Some call it OCD, I call it doing my best to follow a Prophet of God.

I smile! If you have the chance, why not do it? It makes you and everyone else around you that much happier. :)

Music has a very strong influence over my emotions, and can make me cry more easily than almost anything else. Beautiful music makes me tingle inside no matter how many times I hear the song. Playing musical instruments/singing is as close to speaking in the tongue of angels as I can imagine. At the same time, I believe that there is such a thing as evil music, not only that with violent or suggestive lyrics, but music that brings fear and despair into the minds of those who partake of it. It is spiritually destructive and is inappropriate in any and all circumstances.

Once I've made up my mind about something, there are very few things that can alter that decision. Maybe it's because I have such a hard time making up my mind, so once I do, I'm rather reluctant to change it. I do my best to make this a good thing: I have made up my mind that I am graduating from college, I am getting married in the temple to a returned missionary who is a faithful member of the Church, and I am living the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my abilities... and there's really nothing anyone can say or do to persuade me otherwise!

And finally, I love people. My mom once told me that I was given different kinds of talents from most people: some people are good at sports, or art, or writing, or getting straight A's... I'm good at loving people. My family has a cat who can always tell when someone is upset and will go sit by them. She doesn't ask to be pet, or even to be acknowledged, she just wants to be there with you and let you know she cares. Just like that small, gray cat, I can tell when something is wrong, when those around me are sad, or angry, or losing patience. And just like the cat, I quietly do what I can to calm the storm, whether big or small. I want to help you to be happy, because I love you.

I guess that's why I do everything I do, why I am the way I am. I want to help people be happy, to help them see how much they are loved. Everything else I do helps me to accomplish that one big, ultimate goal: to love you.

All-in-all, I guess that's what makes me Me. :)