There are a lot of things that scare me, so many in fact that I wonder on a regular basis if there's some sort of mental condition where you're just afraid of everything!

Some of them are fairly normal: spiders, heights, drowning.

Some are childish: the dark, monsters under the bed, boogie man in the closet.

Then there are newly discovered fears that come with living in a back-ally apartment on the scary side of town: answering the door, being home alone, coming home after dark.

Lately one of my biggest fears has been having someone come into my room and watch me while I'm sleeping. I find myself checking and rechecking the door and all the windows to make sure they're properly locked before I can finally take a running leap into bed, so as to avoid whatever sort of monsters have taken up residence under there. Only after praying repeatedly to be kept safe through the night, and then making sure my jean blanket is tucked ALL the way around me can I cautiously close my eyes and search for sleep.

And every morning I wake up again having slept soundly and uneventfully through the night. No monsters. No boogie man. And as far as I know, no one watching me... Well, almost no one.

Last night I decided to go to bed early so as to have maximum brain capacity for studying in the morning. After my general routine of checking the locks, praying, and making sure I was safely encased in the covers, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep. Apparently my body isn't used to going to bed that early, because sleep took its sweet time coming. After much too long, I finally drifted into a fitful sleep, that was interrupted periodically by muscle spasms and back pain, but at least I wasn't thinking about the creatures that had undoubtedly moved into my closet since I'd gotten dressed that morning.

Eventually I fell asleep for real and it looked as if the morning would come as uneventfully as it always does.

And then something landed on top of me. My eyes flew open to see a face looming over me. Big green eyes above a twisted smile. Scraggly hair sticking out every which way. The monster of my dreams had come for me. There was only one thing to do.

I screamed.

I have to say I was pretty impressed with myself. I NEVER scream, and to have gotten that much air together on such short notice was really something for me.

The face suddenly disappeared, and instead, there was my roommate Amy jumping back into her bed.

"I'm sorry!" she cried from under the covers. Her head emerged. "My hoodie..."

I looked down at myself, and there laying across my chest was Amy's hoodie. Apparently that was what had landed on me. I handed it back to her, and she curled up with it, not in the least disturbed by the fact that I had just screamed bloody murder because of something she had done.

It took a while, but eventually my heart rate returned to normal, my breathing evened out and sleep reclaimed me.

This morning Amy was cheerful as ever as she got up and dressed for school. I watched her for a few minutes and her behavior showed no signs of her remembering our little exchange in the middle of the night.

"Do you remember me screaming in the middle of the night?" I finally asked.

"You were screaming? Did you have a nightmare??"

"No, I was screaming at YOU!"

I told her about how she'd thrown her hoodie at me and then stood over me with her face right next to me. Her reaction surprised me. The more I told her the harder she laughed until I started to worry about whether or not she could breathe. In the midst of her laughter were two words: "I'm Sorry!!!" Apparently she'd dreamed that someone asked to borrow her hoodie, so she'd taken it off and given it to them. She wasn't sure why she'd been standing over me...

In the end I was able to laugh about it too... it definitely makes for a good story, being attacked by my roommate and her hoodie at two in the morning. But good story or not, I wouldn't complain one bit if nothing like that ever happens to me again!

The Sunburn

Hot day, warm sun

Humid heat, want fun.

Big pool, many kids

Go there, count heads.

Lie out, read book

Time flies, I cook

Too hot, go swim

Not notice, my skin

Later on, get out

Have color, no doubt

Dry off, go home

Aloe vera, put on

Shoulders first, legs next

Then face, last neck

Many freckles, very red

Maybe now, in head

Next time, in sun

Sunscreen, more fun!

So... Obviously it's been a little while since I've written!  

I'm currently at home for the summer, working as a nanny for two adorable little kids: a seven year-old girl and a five year-old boy.  Their mom is out of town for a month, and thus I get the fabulous job of playing with them for nearly 60 hours/week while their dad is at work.  The three of us have tea parties, play duck-duck-goose, hang out at the play ground, and go to the pool... it's seriously the best job ever!  I'm also greatly enjoying spending time with my family, attending the local Single's Ward, and playing with "mi" puppy!

This summer my mom assigned all my family members to read one non-fiction picture book each week so that we can learn a little bit about a whole lot of diverse subjects.  So this morning I read a book called Additives.  For several years now, my mom has been doing research into the effects of food dyes and added flavors on the body.  About three years ago she announced that we would be trying an experiment diet: no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives, for six weeks.  The results of this "experiment" were favorable enough that to this day you still will not find anything with any food dyes, added flavorings, or artificial preservatives in our house!   Despite this, I was SHOCKED at some of the things I learned reading that little picture book today!  Did you know the additives put in food are generally not tested by the FDA before they are put on the market?  Quite often, additives are banned a decade or so after their first general appearance because they are found to have harmful effects on those who consume them.  Products like BHT, a widely-used preservative, can only be used only in the tiniest amounts, and are not put into baby foods because they are very toxic... and yet they are in nearly everything that has been packaged!  The more I read the more I decided that I absolutely do NOT want to eat anything with strange, untested chemicals added to it, whether or not they are "generally regarded as safe."

The Polar Bear Swim

My apartment complex has this activity every year towards the end of February where they open the pool up and let whatever crazy people want to swim to the far end and back to win a prize. When I first heard about this, I thought it was one of the dumbest things ever... but last night I ended up being one of those crazy people who jumped in!
I hadn't planned to do it. My roommate Jenny told me a few weeks ago that she planned to jump in and I just rolled my eyes and told her I thought she was nuts! But then yesterday the weather was so beautiful that jumping in a freezing cold pool didn't sound so bad. I decided that, what the heck, I'd do it. 

I got out of class about an hour before we were supposed to meet by the pool, and realized that the sun would have gone by the time we got there, and that it wasn't going to be all nice and warm like it had been all day, but that it was going to get down to the mid-thirties... and that there was little hope of the water being more than a degree or two above freezing. 

When I got home, Jenny and I changed into our swim suits and headed down to meet our death. There were five or six other people there, all from our ward (church congregation), waiting to sign a waiver so that they too could jump to their death. After signing our lives away, Jenny and I got ready to take the plunge. I almost chickened out, but Jenny wouldn't let me. We counted to three, took a running leap, and plunged into the freezing, cold water. I have NEVER experienced anything like it before, nor do I ever want to again. It was beyond cold... literally freezing.  I felt every muscle of my body contract as I struggled to regain the surface and swim to the far end.  

Under normal circumstances, swimming is second nature to me; I don't ever remember a time when I couldn't swim.  But that night each stroke took more out of me than I thought I could give.  As I reached the far side of the pool, I considered climbing out, but by that point I was already frozen through, and figured I might as well finish what I'd started.  

I shoved off with a good hard kick at the wall, which got me maybe a third the way back across the pool.  Then I realized what a stupid decision I had made.  If the first lap was hard, the second lap was pure torture.  My body was beginning to seriously react to the cold, slowing my heart-rate dramatically and fuzzing up my brain so I could barely think.  

By the time I reached the half-way mark on the side of the pool, I figured I was a goner.  Either someone would have to come in and get me, or I was going to drown.  Then I heard my name.  

"Rachel!  Rachel!  Rachel!"  One of the girls in my ward was standing at the side of the pool, chanting my name over and over.  "You can do it!" she yelled.  

That brought me to my senses.  

I somehow managed the few remaining yards and clung to the side of the pool, gasping for breath.  Jenny was already climbing out of the pool, assisted by a couple of guys, when I got there.  I tried to lift myself out of the pool, but found that I was completely unable to get even one arm up over the side.  Two guys from my ward dragged me out and made sure I got a towel and a cup of hot chocolate.  I was so cold I couldn't even shiver, but with some warm liquid in me, some dry clothes, a blanket, and a heated apartment, I managed to get warm, and in turn, survive the whole experience.  

I don't regret doing it; it's kind of cool to say I've jumped into a pool of near-freezing water during the dead of winter, but now that I know what it's like, I wouldn't do it again in a million years!

In the Past Year...

I just realized a few days ago that I have been at college for a whole year now. It sure doesn't feel like it, but when I look back at it a lot has happened. There are a lot of things that weren't true about me a year ago, but are now.
I now:
scrunch my hair almost everyday,
wear eyeliner, but no eye shadow,
initiate conversations with people I don't know very well,
chew gum regularly,
prefer water over any other beverage,
am a sophomore,
love lotion,
know how to straighten my hair and then do something with it,
can stick to a weekly budget,
use a jump-drive regularly,
take my cell phone with me everywhere, no matter how long I'll be gone,
live off campus,
look forward to Sunday more than any other day of the week,
wear contacts,
know sign language,
wear perfume most days of the week,
have a bunch of friends who are engaged/married,
can be in and out of the shower in 5 minutes,
have my hair cut shorter than "shoulder length",
no longer chew on my fingernails,
can recognize singers by their voices,
know how to play DDR and Guitar Hero,
have written to a missionary,
can't fall asleep at night if I don't have my retainer in,
have played the flute in a recital,
can write a research paper without becoming hysterical,
walk at least three miles every day,
have asked a guy out,
can usually tell you what the date is and what day of the week it is,
quote Bill Cosby and Brian Regan at least once a day,
remember to take my vitamin most days,
have an 8:00 class,
I am not afraid to give blood anymore,
and last but certainly not least: I now write on my blog regularly!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Waking up in the morning just before the alarm clock goes off
The smell of freshly baked bread
Having time to read a good book
Flowers
A tall glass of ice water
When my hair is really curly
The smell of irises
Marking off the last thing on a list of things to do
Playing the piano and flute
Sunshine
Cute socks
Having an intelligent and deep conversation
Puppies and kittens
Cinnamon gum
When someone opens the door for me
Makenzie's laugh
Finding a good seat in the movie theater
Friends
Wrestling with Heidi
Good-smelling lotion
The sound my phone makes when I get a text message
Ward prayer
Long hugs
The color blue
Blowing bubbles
Realizing that I already did all of my homework

A good fencing match
Late-night talks

When someone drops by just to say "hi"
Photo albums
Making banana bread
My family
Getting to sit up front in the car
Lasagna
A new journal
Painting my toe nails a new color
Having someone tickle my back
Sitting by a fire
Frontroom dance parties
Long walks
Playing with babies
Catching something that is tossed to me
New shoes
When chocolate makes it all better
Getting a note from someone I care about
Walking while it snows
Taking pictures with friends
Listening to music
Doing Sudoku puzzles
Going over a high jump on a horse
Finding a $20 bill in my coat pocket
My friends' and family members' voices
Laughing so hard my sides ache
Making people happy
and when they all live happily ever after!

It was snowing while I walked home from school today. As I walked, smiling at the beautiful world around me it seemed that little bits of poetry were falling from the sky, rather than crystallized water molecules. I managed to catch a few of those bits and pieces, take them home with me, and write them down before they melted away into nothingness.

Down
Swirling, twirling, gliding, falling
Gently coming down
Powdered sugar dusting Earth
Ever coming down
Touching fingers, ears and nose
Covering hair and boots and coats
Each small flake the Lord God knows
Swirling, twirling down!